The Pikohan
by RenegadeSpiral
Summary: When Jade is the owner of a bar, you'll know to expect total chaos. In the world where Anime and Game characters go when they aren't working, situated on the corner of Maple Street is a bar by the name of 'The Pikohan'... Mass, Mass, Crossover.
1. It's Rose Dammit!

Welcome here to my humble little fanfic! After mulling it over for a while, I decided to use skit format. For this type of fanfiction, it's easier for me to get my point across to readers if it's in this format, and I know that fanfiction doesn't like it... so to quote one of my favorite authors here, "Let us stretch our imaginations and say this is like a play..."

And if this does end up getting deleted for that reason, I'll try to re-upload it in actual story format, but just know that I'm not making any promises.

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Dist: Jade!

Jade: *sigh* And what are you doing here? I believe I told you you were banned from this place…Don't want you getting snot everywhere…

Dist: My! How rude! You should be honored that a magnificent _rose _such as myself graces this shack with my presence.

Jade: Mm-hm, yes, and how exactly did you get in again?

Dist: …

Jade: *notices Chal and Lucius sneaking off* It wouldn't have anything to do with my waiters, now would it?

Chal and Lucius: !

Jade: Chaltier, Lucius, how about staying late after work tonight to join me for a drink…

Lucius: You don't think he's going to fire us do you?

Chal: It's the drinks I'm worried about…

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Cast for this chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Jade, Dist

Tales of Destiny: Chal

Fire Emblem 7: Lucius


	2. Susan?

Yachiru: Hey 'Sea-chan! Go on in!

Presea: Thanks… *walks into bar* ('Sea-chan?)

Chal: Hey Yachiru, why do you always call Presea ' 'Sea-chan'?

Yachiru: Cause that's her nickname, silly!

Chal: I see… I suppose that makes sense.

Yachiru: Of course it does Pseudo-Zanpakuto!

Chal: Pseudo-what? Wait, you mean me? But… I already have a nickname…

Yachiru: *ignores* Hmm, Pseudo-Zankauto is a little long though… Pseudo-Zan? Pseu-Zan?

Chal: S-Susan?!?

Yachiru: All Right! Pseu-Zan it is! See you later Pseu-Zan! *Runs off*

Chal: …What just happened?

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Cast for this Chapter

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Tales of Destiny: Chal

Tales of Symphonia: Presea

Bleach: Yachiru


	3. Do You Serve Pizza?

*bell rings*

Lucius: Hello, and welcome to the Pikohan! Please wait to be… seated? Eh?

C.C.: *walks straight to bar*

Jade: Ah, hello miss. Is there anything I can help you with?

C.C.: I've heard that this is the most popular place in town to 'grab a bite to eat.'

Jade: My, how flattering.

C.C.: Yes, *sits down on barstool and places hands on counter* So I would like to order a slice of your finest pizza.

Jade: I'm afraid to say that we do not serve pizza here.

C.C.: …

Jade: …

C.C.: *pulls out phone and begins dialing* Hello? I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza delivered to 'The Pikohan' on the corner of Maple Street.

Jade: What an interesting guest…

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Cast for this chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Jade

Fire Emblem 7: Lucius

Code Geass: C.C.


	4. Table For Two

Chal: Tear! Could you take the next customer?

Tear: All right, I'll get there as soon as I'm done cleaning up this table! …There we go… *walks to podium* Hello, and welcome to the…pikohan? (Huh? There's no one there…)

*bunny ears pop up*

Tear: !

Honey: Down here! Down here! Table for two please!

Tear: O-Oh! (So cute…) A-and who would the other person be sir?

Honey: *smiles* Why Usa-chan of course!

Tear: *blush*

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Cast for this Chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Tear

Tales of Destiny: Chal

Ouran High School Host Club: Honey


	5. Immortal You Say?

*bell rings*

Lucius: Hello, and welcome to the Pikohan! Oh! Ling! Haven't seen you in a while!

Ling: Yeah, been busy an all with the whole Philosopher's Stone hunt.

Lucius: *Leads Ling to usual table* Well, I'm glad you could come tonight! So what'll it be?

Ling: Just the usual *glances around* Hey, who's that girl at the bar? Never seen her before…

Lucius: Oh, that's C.C. She's been coming around a lot lately, never orders anything though… Makes you wonder why Jade doesn't kick her out. Probably has something to do with being immortal, makes for an interesting test subject I suppose… So is that all Ling? Eh? Ling?

Ling: Hello miss, would you mind if I sat next to you?

Lucius: …

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Cast for this chapter

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Fire Emblem 7: Lucius

Fullmetal Alchemist: Ling


	6. Main Course

Tear: Here is your table sir,

Honey: Thank you very much onee-chan!

Tear: It was no problem at all *pulls out pad and paper* now when you're ready to order just-

Honey: Cake!

Tear: P-pardon?

Honey: I would like to order all of your cakes!

Tear: A-alright… but what would you like for the main course?

Honey: You mean there's dessert later?!?!? *beams*

Tear: …

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Cast for this Chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Tear

Ouran High School Host Club: Honey


	7. Would You Like To Make A Contract?

Ling: So, that's a very delicious pizza you have there.

C.C.: Yes.

Ling: I didn't know they served pizza here.

C.C.: They don't.

Ling: *sweat drop* R-right…

C.C.: Is there something I can help you with? You're becoming a nuisance.

Ling: *double sweat drop* I suppose I'll cut to the chase… Lucius tells me that you're immortal.

C.C.: That would be correct *takes bite of pizza*

Ling: …and?

C.C.: And what?

Ling: How are you immortal? Are you a homunculus?

C.C.: No, I'm not a _homunculus_ or whatever, I'm _human_, and I don't see any reason why I should tell you.

Ling: Why not? Come on, I'll do whatever you want me to.

C.C.: Oh?

Ling: Promise.

C.C.: Then would you like to make a contract?

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Cast for this Chapter

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Fullmetal Alchemist: Ling

Code Geass: C.C.


	8. What's Your Type?

Lucius: Bye Tear! Jade! Chal! See you tomorrow!

Tear: Bye Lucius. *proceeds to clean off table*

Chal: So Jade, *sits down on barstool* Why did you hire Tear? Isn't it illegal for a person under age 21to wait tables in a place that serves alcohol?

Jade: My, isn't it obvious?

Chal: Hm?

Jade: *smiles* Why to attract the type of customer who prefers to have… a younger woman serve them, there are quite a few of those. *walks to backroom*

Chal: …He still didn't address the 'illegal' part of it…

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Cast for this Chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Jade, Tear

Tales of Destiny: Chal

Fire Emblem 7: Lucius


	9. Most Polite Fight EVER

Unohana: *walks up to Jade* Excuse me, but by any chance would you have seen someone dressed in a black robe with black hair and a white bag?

Jade: Good evening miss, if by any chance you're looking for a mister Yamada, then he's over there. *points to corner of the room*

Hanatarou: Rrreallllly? You feel like you're under-appreciated too? *talking to plant*

Jade: He came in asking for a drink and wondered what I thought he should try. *smiles*

Unohana: Oh? And what exactly was in what you suggested to him? Certainly nothing_ dangerous _I hope.

Jade: My, don't you know? Just as a magician never reveals his secrets, a chef never reveals his secret ingredient.

Unohana: Is that so? *smiles*

Jade: I regret to inform you it is. *smiles*

Hanatarou: You're right! We should totally run for governor!

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Cast for this Chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Jade

Bleach: Hanatarou, Unohana


	10. I Don't See Any Books

Jade: Everyone, I would like to introduce you to your new co-worker, Erk. He'll be helping to wait tables.

Tear: *bows* It's very nice to meet you.

Chal: Escape while you still can *pikohan'ed*

Lucius: Erk!

Erk: Hey Lucius.

Lucius: So what are you doing here? You don't seem like the type of person who'd want to wait tables…

Erk: Books.

Lucius: What?

Erk: He said this place was a bookstore…and the contract says I can't quit…

Lucius: O-oh… Erk, why are you clutching that Thunder so hard?

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Cast for this chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Jade, Tear

Tales of Destiny: Chal

Fire Emblem 7: Lucius, Erk


	11. Pay Day

Jade: Alright everyone, come pick up your pay.

Yachiru: Yay! *takes bag of candy*

Chal: Thanks Jade *grabs sword polish*

Erk: Thanks… *takes pile of books*

Jade: Oh and Lucius, I already donated your pay to charity.

Lucius: Thanks Jade!

Tear: *Looks down at pay check*

Jade: Does it make you feel guilty, Tear?

Tear: It starts to, but then I remember that it's you I work for.

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Cast for this chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Jade, Tear

Tales of Destiny: Chal

Bleach: Yachiru

Fire Emblem 7: Lucius, Erk


	12. Guest Chapter: Zephyra of Breeze

Many thanks to Zephyra of Breeze for contributing this chapter in 'The Pikohan'! ^-^

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Tear: And here's your cake-to-go for your friends. *hands honey box*

Honey: Thank you onee-chan! *exits*

Tear: *blush*

Chal: Hey Tear, what's this bunny thing? It was left at your table. *Hands Tear Usa-chan*

Tear: He forgot his rabbit…

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Tear: This school is…Pink. *looks at rabbit* Well, better get this over with… Excuse me, but do you know where I can find the owner of this rabbit?

Student: Kyaa~ it's Usa-chan! Go up those stairs there and look for a sign that says 'Music Room 3'

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Tear: Music Room 3...Excuse me but could you direct me to Music Room 3? I need to return this rabbit here to his owner…

Tamaki: ! I found it!

Kyoya: Ah, good…

Host Club: *runs over to door*

Inside Room: *crashes, ka-blooms, chaos, and destruction*

Tamaki: *grabs rabbit* Door!

Twins: Ready! *opens door*

Tamaki: *pegs rabbit in*

Twins: *shuts door*

Host Club: *relaxes*

Inside Room: *silence*

Mori: *injured Mori exits room*

Tear: Oh my, what happened?

Mori: *thumbs up*

Tamaki: Mission Successful!

Tear: …

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Cast for this chapter

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Tales of the Abyss: Tear

Tales of Destiny: Chal

Ouran High School Host Club: Honey, Tamaki, Kyoya, Hikaru & Kaoru, Mori


	13. Utter Chaos

Leon: *looks up at sign* So this is the place that Chal is always sneaking off to…*walks in*

Yuri: I told you to cook it with LOVE! Geez, how many times do I have to say it…

Hanatarou: Hello mister lamp post, how are you feeling today *hic*

Dist: Ohohohoho, I'm over here Hanatarou… *talking to table*

Jade: *sigh* Chaltier, Lucius, must we really go over this again?

Unohana: Oh I'm sure they won't do it again, why don't you and I have a little chat instead about the mental condition of other people?

Kitchen: *Sounds of pans clanking, plates breaking, and an explosion or two*Genis: GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN LING! EMPLOYEES ONLY!

Ling: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Bow down before the ultimate power of my Eeass-!

C.C.: Geass.

Ling: -Geass!

Author: Please note that all above events are taking place at the same time~ ^-^

Leon:…

Leon: *walks out*

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Cast for this chapter

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Tales of Destiny: Leon

Tales of The Abyss: Jade, Dist

Tales of Vesperia: Yuri

Tales of Symphonia: Genis

Bleach: Hanatarou, Unohana

Fullmetal Alchemist: Ling

Code Geass: C.C.

Real World: Author w


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